Say his name

Talking about the person we’ve lost is one of the most healing things we can do. Simply allowing a bereaved individual the space to talk about them or their feelings is a gift. This feels uncomfortable at first, as often we think we need to fix it or say just right thing or somehow say […]

The most beautiful day in May..

I was scared. Something wasnt right. I had started my day with some light cramping. This was my first pregnancy but I assumed what I was experiencing was “Braxton hicks” at only 24 weeks. I googled it at my desk just to be safe. It wasn’t until I started bleeding that I knew something was […]

Sharing my grief

I had to find somewhere I could express myself. A large part of my recovery is sharing my sons inspirational story with others in hopes it becomes some what of a “survival guide” for parents who have gone through something similar.. God forbid. As cliche as it sounds, you really don’t know how strong you […]

The angry mom

The first month after Jr passed was humbling. The amount of support we received was unfathomable. From my coworkers, to people I never even really knew or spoke to. Even our leasing office came by to show their respects with flowers and gift cards. It was a side of humanity only few have witnessed. You […]

Beast of burden

I never thought Id say this but I miss my days in the NICU. After all, its where I first met my one true love and its also where I said my final goodbye. The feelings and emotions surrounding the month of May were so real and raw. I miss that. Seems now my son […]

Jr

Jr my love,why did you leave?I did not want to be a mother bereaved. If I could,Id take your place.To leave you here, On earth to grace. Is it true you’re always near?Is it true you feel no fear?Can you feel the pain I feel?Is it true that time will heal?

They say

They say there is a reason,They say that time will heal,But neither time nor reason,Will change the way I feel, No-one knows the heartache,That lies behind my smile,No-one knows how many times,I have broken down and cried, I want to tell you something,So there won’t be any doubt,You’re so wonderful to think of,But so hard […]

Marjoram oil

We talk about resilience in therapy. The ability to go on with life despite all its heartache. Some days I feel strong but others are hard. On my bad days I wake up with eyes so puffy I can’t see. Luckily those days are few and far between. Mostly it’s the feeling of rocks in […]

Empty Arms

When a baby is born, the hospital has you wear “scent clothes”. You put them under your clothes to catch the smell of mommy. Daddy got one too and we changed them out for ones in Jrs incubator as much as we could. We wanted him to not feel so alone.. Ironic I would end […]

Whirlwind

Meeting him for the first time was emotional. I was intimidated by his small size. Wires, tags and machinery consumed his small little incubator. Bruises all over his fragile body were from the trauma he sustained at birth.  Yet he was perfect in every way. 10 fingers, 10 toes. What more could a mom ask […]